but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize