He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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