either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
