I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize