How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Randomize
