I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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