K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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