I think my vagina is haunted
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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