just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
