Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
where are my pants?
in the oven.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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