Just fell off a train. Bad.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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