I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
