My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
