Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize