You made me cry and you don't even care
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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