It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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