ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
