After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
