12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
