i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
