walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
