Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
