I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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