So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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