You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
