Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
