The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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