OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
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