me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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