I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
