where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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