She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
