i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My breasts were aching with rage.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
