dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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