we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
