I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
