you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
