I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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