woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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