He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
