Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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