he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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