idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
