He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
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