I wanna bring you to show and tell
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
