alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
