He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Randomize
