i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
