Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
