laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
