watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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