he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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