He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
