so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
