I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
