you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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