i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
It's just like the Real World with babies
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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