somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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