Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Randomize
