i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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