Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
