On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
