I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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