i already hear my dad disowning me
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
