I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize