the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
