I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
