oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
