Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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