2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize